Divas Say Goodbye

We'll start off with our best and worsts! 

Best Restaurant Meal:

Anne:  Snake River Grille, Jackson Hole

Molly: Purple, Seattle

Best Roadside Attraction:

Anne: UFO Tracker, Omaha

Molly: Multiple animal sightings on our drives

Best Shopping:

Anne: Santana Row, San Jose, CA

Molly: Seattle, WA

Best Hotel:

Anne: The Fairmont, Seattle

Molly: The Fairmont, Seattle

Best Bed:

Anne: The Fairmont, Seattle

Molly: The Valencia, San Jose

Best Pillows:

Anne: The Valencia, San Jose

Molly: My own personal pillow

Friendliest Person:

Anne: Sonny attendant at the Shell station

Molly: Woman from Forks with the “Emmett makes me sparkle” button

Best Wildlife:

Anne: Bears outside our window, Big Sky, Montana

Molly: The bear that almost ate me, Big Sky, Montana

Funniest People Sighting:

Anne: Lobby of the hotel in Spokane, Washington

Molly: The people we saw at the Space Needle in Seattle

Worst Dressed:

Anne: People in the lobby of hotel in Spokane, Washington

Molly: hostess at our Singaporean restaurant.

Best Dressed:

Anne: woman at the Granary Restaurant, Jackson Hole

Molly: woman at the Granary Restaurant, Jackson Hole

Worst Roadside Attraction:

Anne: The wooden carved objects of art all over the Northwest.

Molly: Postage Stamps because they were closed.

Biggest Disappointment:

Anne: Nordstrom Rack

Molly: Old Faithful/the Postage Stamp debacle

Best Bargain:

Anne: Nothing is a bargain when you travel with Diva 2

Molly: Missoni skirt in Nordstrom

Worst Hotel:

Anne: Omaha Holiday Inn Express

Molly: Omaha Holiday Inn Express

Worst Shopping:

Anne: Nordstrom Rack

Molly: I can make anything into good shopping.

Worst Bed:

Anne: Spokane

Molly: The front seat of the Grey Goose

Worst Pillows:

Anne: Spokane

Molly: Spokane

Worst Wildlife:

Anne: The pig farm we passed in Kentucky

Molly: Dead cow on the side of the road.  I’m scarred for life.

Worst Meal:

Anne: Stephanie’s Café, Oregon

Molly: Every Shell from TN to CA; Easy Mac in the Holiday Inn

Anne: Well, I thought today’s blog might be a little sad. FALSE. It was just another day in the life of a Diva—Dive 2’s, I might add. First, while I was at the pool…Oh, let me just say, I had to share the pool today with three men, ALL wearing Speedos. It was not a good way to start the day. Anyway, Diva 2 was still asleep when I got back. But she finally roused herself enough to join me for breakfast. While I wait for her to come downstairs, I sat down at one of this hotel’s outside tables. About 15 seconds later, some pushy man walked up to me and told me he was sitting there. Well, obviously he wasn’t or he would have been there when I sat down. But because of my impeccable breeding and manners, I got up, gave him a big smile, and apologized. The man at the next table heard our conversation and offered me a seat at his table. I hope the first man had a horrible day and felt like an idiot the rest of the day. But I had a lovely conversation with the second man until Molly came. He went to work and we enjoyed our breakfast outside.

Then we came upstairs and she decided to call and find a salon to get her nails done. Amazingly, she found one down the street and made a 1:30 appointment. So…we left the hotel and went to explore before lunch and her appointment. We got no further than Anthropologie. (Michael, don’t read this part.) I reminded her that we had left Nordstrom’s just a few days ago, but she looked at me like I was speaking in tongues. Shop, she did. Then on the next corner was another awful H&M. She went in and came back and announced that the quality was not very good and she didn’t see anything worth buying. Hhmmm…that’s not what she said in Seattle a few days ago when she defended that awful store when she came out with her arms loaded down with purchases.

We had lunch at a Vietnamese restaurant on Santana Row, but Molly could barely eat. She was so unglued about the outfit one of the hostesses was wearing she couldn’t concentrate on her lunch. It really was awful, but it’s been a long time since I’ve seen such a come-apart from Diva 2. Then we got the Diva all divaed-up for tomorrow’s move-in. Now we are waiting for Michael to come in from San Diego so we can meet friends for dinner.

This is an exciting, and sad, time. I will miss Diva 2, but it is time for her to fly. She will have a fun time spreading her Divaness with her new friends here. I will go home and micro-manage Sarah Riley now. I know she has missed me these last two weeks! I know y’all are reading this 11^th grade girls! I am always up for a trip for any of you!

Molly: I’m really upset that this is our last blog—I just can’t even talk about it.  I may have to take Anne up on her offer of a South-Florida trip to make fun of the old people over Christmas break just so I can blog with her again.

Today was eventful.  I woke up to someone or something screaming (I think it was perhaps a baby).  Silly me, I thought it was the fire alarm, so I jumped out of bed and called the front desk just to make sure.  After that, I just couldn’t get back to sleep.  So I ended up having breakfast with Diva 1.

After this, we came back into the room so that we could get ready for our day.  We then went down to Santana Row to shop around for a few minutes.  Ok, like a few hours, but what is time when you are in Anthropologie?  Mom and I had a really fun time though.  Then we went to lunch, and I just cannot tell you what this hostess was wearing.  I was unglued.  She was in this long sleeve v-neck sweater and stiletto boots.  In between was this micro-mini.  Im not kidding, I have honestly never seen a skirt that short out in public and it was like glued to her body—like leggings, except a skirt.  I just can’t do it.  She was working there.  It’s just a lot. 

After I was appalled, we went to get my nails done where Minh and Debbie did my nails and asked me if I was homesick yet.  That’s where I basically had a come-apart in the nail salon.  It was bad, but they reassured me that I would have the nicest nails in college.  That’s what a diva likes to hear.

I have also learned that I am in the bay area at the same time the Jonas Brothers have arrived--obviously they are stalking me.  Some people. 

Now we are about to go out to dinner and Dad has delivered my forgotten items.  Not in a mean way SR, but black sweater and black skinny jeans are two very different items.  I don’t know how you got them confused.  The fashion fairy will be visiting you over Thanksgiving.  But this is good, and I am glad to be with momma and popsicle.  I don’t want to say goodbye to them tomorrow, but I really need to unpack and start doing something productive with my life, you know work towards a career.  Although, I could just blog with Anne for the rest of my life.  That would be ideal.  J

Speaking of Diva 1, she is the best mom in the world and I am so glad we took this trip together.  I couldn’t imagine anyone else I could survive with for two weeks in the car—through the good times (the Fairmont) and the bad (the Holiday Inn Omaha).  I will miss her, but I will see her in 63 days and I’m sure that she will send me at least two care packages between now and then (hint, hint!)

Leave us comments!

xoxo,

Anne & Molly

Molly:

I am really upset for three reasons:

1. This is our second to last blog post.

2. I just realized I’m not going to have a bathtub in college.

3. I am finally watching TV for the first time in 2 weeks and Anne is snapping her fingers behind me like I’m not doing my homework or something. 

I can’t decide which is making me more distraught.

We’ve had quite the day.  We woke up SO early, (this is what I get for having a mother who wakes up before the birds do) We went downstairs and I sat with out 15 bags while Mother pulled around the car.  In the meantime, I watched as the CIA/Department of Homeland Security/government spies left the building.  When we checked in last night, we ran into the Department of Homeland Security who had three rooms with the doors open, 2 cameras on tripods and a mess of other equipment.  When I asked the lady at the desk what was going on, she said they were hiring people.  I don’t think so.  They were clearly staking someone out--maybe someone we know—maybe Diva 1.  You never know…she apparently wont be in photos because she is “running from her past”.  It’s plausible, y’all.

So after this, we hop on the road. We drive and drive and it’s like a wrap up of all the states we’ve been through.  Cornfields, mountains, half a zillion more trees, fields, multicolored cows, and then some buildings.  Woohoo.  If we drive across the country again we are going to need to go in a country music tour bus with a driver because SOMEONE still can’t stay between the lines of the lanes.  I try to be a good driver, but I guess not everyone can be me.

Then we see this giant Shrek on the side of the road.  This is now normal for us.  We have seen all sorts of things this past week. Bad things. But we slow down to take a picture and this man death glares us, I guess for not stopping and getting out to buy something.  What would I have done with a giant carved Shrek?  Let’s be honest with ourselves, I’m trying to reign myself in these days.

Then we get on the 101 in Oakland/San Francisco heading toward San Jose.  It’s like rush hour traffic at 3pm.  It was a mess.  I am never driving in this city—thank goodness for public transportation!  But Mom was a trooper even though we were almost taken down a few times by some people who probably did way worse on the license test than I did, if they even possessed a license.  But we are alive and there is valet here so we are doing much better.

We love the Valencia, it’s so pretty and we are settling in nicely before I have to go to school on Saturday morning.  Daddy comes tomorrow with some of the stuff I’ve forgotten.  We had dinner tonight in the hotel, which was really nice except this couple who spent the entire night with their screaming 1 year old taking Myspace style photos of themselves without the child in them.  Loved it.

Anne: Well, we are finally here in the Promised Land. We have toured Santa Clara, Molly’s school, which I had not seen before today. Tonight we are resting our weary heads in a hotel on Santana Row. This is almost enough to make me move down here—it’s so cute and fun.

But, I’ve just got to say that Molly is going to have her work cut out for her whipping some of these people into shape in the manners department. Some man, sporting a man purse, jumps on the elevator with us and then pushes us out of the way so he could get off first. That was on the way to dinner. On the way back, we pushed the “up” button and waited for the door to open. Before we could even move to the door, three people jumped in front of us and closed the door. We stood there with our mouths open. She will be issuing citations to these people as soon as she can find her sticky notes.

Anyway, we made it. I am very anxious to see her dorm and her room and her classmates. It was hard to see much today because the workers were bringing out all the chairs and tables and umbrellas—you know, all those things they bring out the first day to impress the parents, but are never seen for the rest of the year. Some of the roads were blocked.

But back to our day…As usual, I had to drag the Diva from her bed. And let me just say, this is not a place you would have wanted to have lingered longer than necessary. Before she had even gotten up, I had been to the pool for an hour and done another load of laundry. But she finally graced the world with her presence, and we left. It was a six-hour drive today. We’ve gotten immune to the hours and now think six hours is nothing. We didn’t run into a single interesting person except those we passed on the road. We did go by another fascinating roadside redwood carved animal stand. We stopped long enough for Molly to take a picture of the giant Shrek statue.

So, since not a lot happened today, we are going to include some snippets of past incidents, which did not make it into the blog for one reason or another:

* As we were passing through Nebraska, Diva Two and I were having a discussion about who would have made the better pioneer. In my mind, I was thinking who would have done the most work, been able to endure bitter conditions, etc. Here’s what the Little Diva said, “Oh, by far I would have been the better pioneer, way more than you. I could do that little patchwork apron thing, maybe add a little lace. And I could probably have worn one of those bonnets. It wouldn’t look very good one me, but it would look better on me than you.” I ask you, was this child raised by Zsa Zsa? I wasn’t even thinking about what we were going to wear…but about who could handle being a PIONEER.

*When we got to Nebraska, Diva Number Two made a very unkind comment about the number of cars some people had in their yards. Where did I go wrong with her education? Apparently, she has not seen enough of rural Alabama, not only with a dozen cars in the yard, some up on blocks, but also the washer and sofa on the front porch. I have failed as a mother.

*Ever since she was young, Sarah Riley has said she was going to college at Alabama and don’t ask her again. She hasn’t waivered over the years, so we sort of thought that might really be where she was going to end up. The other day she told Michael that she believed she might apply to Vandy. Do you think it’s because she thinks I would take her on a road trip and blog about it? Hey, Sarah Riley, there’s a lot of stuff to do and see between Grassland and West End!!!!! You never know. It might not take us 12 days, but we could get a great blog going.

*As we went through Portland, we saw a sign for the Vacuum Museum. I tried to get directions so we could go. I don’t think Diva Number Two has ever seen one and this would be such a good educational opportunity. She wouldn’t give me the map.

*In Oregon, we saw many interesting things—in addition to the bazillion pine trees. One of the most fun road signs said, “Seatbelts Must Be Fastened Night And Day.” Hhmmm…don’t most states require that? AND, you also get a $97 fine if you don’t wear one. Not $75 or $100, but $97. I guess it gets the driver’s attention.

*There is a candidate running for Congress in either Washington or Oregon whose last name if Heck. His slogan is “Give Congress Heck.” Cute.

*Our wonderful. luxurious hotel has fake bearskin coverlets on the beds. How appropriate. I hope Molly brought her bear spray in from the car!!!! They might attack us in the night.

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s blog—probably our last for this trip. We are going to rate the Best and Worst of things…We might even do another trip.  I’m sort of thinking we could find some great things to write about in say, south Florida.

Leave us comments!

Xoxo,

Anne & Molly

Mountains, Prairies, Oceans White with Foam

Molly: Well, I had a good night’s sleep until the alarm awakened me at 6 am.  I thought it was the fire alarm—I hate waking up to fire alarms, and it seems to happen wherever I go.  I hit the alarm clock hard and death glared Diva 1 before I relaxed back into a peaceful slumber.  What seemed like 5 minutes later, Diva 1 was awakening me again and letting me know that it was time to get out of bed.  I was bitter, but I got up anyway because she went down to find coffee and left me.  I could still smell the lavender lingering on my pillows—so nice. 

So then we go downstairs and I meet the crankiest man I have ever met.  He is barking orders left and right.  He almost attacked me because he thought I was going to take the USA Today off of the table before he could get to it.  It was an experience.  So we hauled our things down and got back onto the road.  That’s the other thing.  This is embarrassing, but I’m over being embarrassed so I’ll tell you.  We haul about 5-6 tote-bags/purses in with us wherever we go.  I think its because we don’t know what bag has what things in it, and after Day 1 we learned it was best not to venture back to our cars at night, so we just bring it all in now. 

We go to a gas station, but Anne doesn’t want to stop because she doesn’t want to pay the extra money to have someone else pump her gas.  So off we go to find something better.  We then go to Texaco and this man who kind of looks like the semi-creepy Hawaiian guy from 50 First Dates with LONG (not luscious) hair flowing down his back taps on the window and Anne thinks that this is it for us.  She would have thrown me to the man in order to keep her purse—what a bad person.  So his name is Sonny, he’s VERY chatty, and he just wants to pump our gas.  So he does that while we run inside—he even let me take his picture for the blog.

Then I buy a drink at this place—a pomegranate life water…my favorite!  Of course the cap wont twist off, and I discover this 15 minutes after we have left said gas station.  I literally bang it on the side of the window that I have rolled down on the freeway just about giving this truck driver a heart attack.  I try with my teeth, I hand it to Anne, I do multiple things to try and get this top off.  Fail.  So we go to another exit and I hop out to go in and I bring my life water to see if I can exchange it.  This hearty woman who I can only refer to as the female version of Hulk Hogan took my water and easily twisted the top off.  I just stared at her for a moment then turned and walked out.  I said thank you, but obviously I was being judged for being dainty and delicate. 

So then we get to the California border.  The man wants to check our car for plants/fruits/drugs/dead bodies, whatever.  So he’s all stuttering and can’t get past his words…I think he was in awe of us because I heard him speaking clearly once we left.  We also witnessed a controlled forest fire today.  This was a big time.  In other natural disaster news, we saw “Crater Lake” where Mother not-so-subtly implied that my chances of being struck down by a meteor are greater in this part of the country.  Thanks Mom.

After this, we went through the Redwood Forest.  Good Lord, those trees are huge.  If you stacked Mom 60 times (5 feet x 60 = 300?, maybe? Math isn’t my strong suit these days…) she wouldn’t even reach the top of these trees!  They are also VERY wide.  We had to stop and take my picture, of course.  We stopped at the little welcome center to go to the bathroom and throw out our trash.  Dumb Blonde of the Day award goes to Anne who couldn’t figure out how to open the trashcan.  Love her. 

We’ve also seen countless hitchhikers.  Fortunately our car is way too packed down to even fit another pair of shoes, much less an ax-murderer and his bike.  We saw one today.  We were driving in a small town in Oregon and we saw a less than savory character with a beard and long hair riding his bike.  Anne yells, “Mass Murderer on a bike!”  (but only so that I could hear, so she says)

We also went through a town with two main restaurants, both without names.  One just said “Chinese and American Food” and the one two blocks down said “Mexican and Seafood”  What wonderful combinations.  I also have to mention this woman we saw...she was wearing a Daniel Boone hat as she ate at the Wendy's drive-thru...I couldn't handle it.

Then we ran into elk on the road.  This was great.  Mom told me not to get out of the car, so I did and just hid myself behind the door.  He would not have attacked this Diva.  And these divas thought we were finally out of the wild!

This afternoon, we checked into our hotel and Momma did our laundry (thank you Momma!) and now we are settling down for a LONG sleep.   We kind of had to scrounge for dinner because the only thing that would deliver to the hotel is pizza and neither of us could do that again.  So I had Easy Mac.  Welcome to college.  I am exhausted and I can’t wait to get to San Jose tomorrow night!

Anne: Before we left wherever it is we are this morning, I just had to write about last night so I wouldn't forget to tell you as the day unfolds.

So, Diva Number Two is quietly lying in her bed, her lavender-scented earphones in her ears, her eyemask firmly over her eyes, her lavender-scented pillows surrounding her. She is obviously in deep REM sleep because she doesn't hear the alarm go off at midnight. At first, it was a little tweeting sound. A small, gentle Tweety bird calling to us. By the time I found my glasses and found the alarm, it sounded like Tweety bird was being eaten by Sylvester. I look over at the sleeping Diva, not a peep. Not so much as an eyelid movement. Nothing broke her gentle, REM sleep. I, on the other hand, could not get back to sleep until after 2. This alarm clock also went off at 6. Diva Number Two had to reach her arm over and slap it. She then fussed at me about it. That's it. She went right back to sleep. Today, she is going to pay for this.

This morning, she asked the housekeeper if she could have more of that lavender spray to take to college. The housekeeper beamed at her and said she would be up to our room in three minutes. Sure enough, in three minutes there she stood...with two extra pillows for the Diva, and NO lavender spray. Diva Number Two is determined to snatch some spray before we leave here...wherever it is that we are! (We left, she didn’t get any more, but she said I could add that to her first care package that she is under the impression I will be sending to her.)

A little while later, we get in our car and  are on the hunt for gas, because I don’t like to let it get too low.  You never know when we are going to find ourselves wandering in the wilderness with no gas station—like our previous experience.  So we pull off the interstate into another Shell station and we see some man pumping gas in the car in front of us.  And we pull out because I don’t want to pay extra to have someone else pump my gas—I can do it myself.  Then we go to a Texaco station, all of a sudden a man with hair longer than Diva 2’s has his faced pressed up against my window and is staring right at me.  Immediately I grab Diva Two to give up as my wampum because I feel like we are being robbed and I am going to go ahead and give her up. It’s either her or my nice purse…and you know how much I love purses!  He opens my door and asks for my credit card.  By this time I’m going to give him my whole purse, not just one card and he tells me he is there to pump my gas.  And I say, “no, that’s fine, I’ll do it myself” realizing that perhaps we are not going to be robbed. I am not a bad person like Molly is going to accuse me of being. 

Anyway, Sonny, Molly’s new best friend, tells us that there are two states that by law require someone else has to pump your gas.  One is Oregon, the other is New Jersey.  You learn something new everyday.  So while Sonny pumped the gas in our car, Molly and I went in to find breakfast. Normally, we have been eating at the Shell station and we are not used to dining at the Texaco station—the aisles were rearranged.  I pay, of course, and I look outside and Diva Two is chatting and photographing Sonny. He is so happy to be in our pictures. He barely let us leave, he was so thrilled. He waves as we leave, sorry to see us go. We were still trying to represent our people well, but Molly might have gotten a little too friendly this time. Reign in that diva! He probably would have gone with us, but he said he was making big money pumping gas…

Unfortunately, we haven’t had an opportunity for anyone to speak to us since we entered California.  The little man who stuttered in awe of us at the “Welcome to California” station wanted to check our car for fruits and plants.  Ha! We told him good luck if he could find anything in our car.  But he’s the last person that we have encountered for hours and hours….and hours of driving.  

We drove through the Redwood Forest and got you-know-whose picture with the big trees.  Then we stopped along the coast so we could also take her picture with the big rocks in the ocean. 

Finally, we went through an elk crossing and stopped for the 40 elk we saw. It was great. We saw more elk here than in Yellowstone or Teton. But the Diva wouldn’t get out of the car because she learned from our naturalist at Jackson Hole about how vicious elk were. I told her that woman was just kidding, and that she should get up as close as she could get to them and offer them some peanut butter, but Diva Two wasn’t buying it!

We now truly can say that we’ve been all over America.  We have been through the Redwood Forests, we’ve seen the Pacific Ocean, we’ve seen at least 15 billion pine trees.  I found the perfect Christmas tree for us this year but I cant remember which state it was in.  You wouldn’t believe some of these small towns in Oregon and northern California, on the back roads, not the highways. We passed so many places where wood carving was all the rage. I almost stopped and got Molly a little carved bear, but couldn’t decide between that or the beaver playing the guitar. It’s so hard to decide which she would like to see under the Christmas tree. 

We also passed a lovely establishment that invited us in for “Food, Snooze and Booze.” Again, hard to pass up! We are looking forward to seeing civilization tomorrow, if I can drive through all the traffic in San Francisco.

Tonight, our dining experience was courtesy of the Holiday Inn Express. When we finally got here, we were too tired to go back out, and the only place that delivered was some awful pizza place. So, we got Easy Mac and a chicken pot pie and dined like the Divas we are. Don’t let it ever be said that we got too big for our britches or forgot where we came from! I have already done Diva Two’s two loads of laundry tonight. One more load in the morning before we leave, and then she’s on her own!

We are going to post some photos of interesting things we saw today. We’ll have more tomorrow when we reach the final frontier!  

We would like to wrap up by giving three shout outs.

1. Sarah Riley sent me (Molly) a photo of something I told her she could have.  In that photo, I saw multiple other things that she has taken without permission.  I hope that by publicly shaming her she will return said things before Thanksgiving break. 

2. We would like to say Happy Birthday to Diva Waynick!

3. Dr. P—Thank you for your advice and your kind offer—we’ve got your number, we may be calling….just kidding.  

Leave us comments! 

xoxo,

Anne & Molly

Reality Check for the Divas

Molly: Well, Diva 1 needs an attitude check—or some kind of calming medication… anyone have some Valium I can put in her granola? 

Today was kind of an off day for the divas.  I was awoken early this morning by mother rummaging through her drawers (yes, she had really made herself at home at the Fairmont), and from then on my energy levels have just been shot.  Maybe because I was promised breakfast in bed.  And not just any breakfast in bed, but good breakfast, actually in my bed.  What did I get?  I got my leftover pizza from last night thrown at me.  I was very upset. 

But I quickly tried to act nice and forgive Anne for her shortcomings in the breakfast department.  But alas.  She drug me out of the Fairmont.  When the kind bellman came to the room to get my things (Diva 1 had already gone downstairs)  I told him I wasn’t leaving.  I don’t think he really understood me because he didn’t know what to do with my bags.  He just kept saying “Miss Saint, if you are not leaving, then I will not take your bags!” I finally had to tell him that I was just kidding. 

So we leave the Fairmont and I pitch a small fit to myself until I finally have to man up and take over the Navigator position because Diva 1 just cannot drive in cities.  So we finally get out of the wonderful city of Seattle and we go to the Shell station to get gas, because Anne has ¾ of a tank but clearly that is not going to be enough to comfortably drive.  We are always filling up at ½ a tank or more.  I have never run out of gas, but I mean, I like the color of my gas light when it flashes—its hot pink.  I’m just saying.  Live a little.

So we get into this Shell station and keep in mind, we were going to go to where the Twilight movies were filmed, up in Forks, but it was way out of the way, and I didn’t want to get on a tour bus, or drive anymore than we had to, and I really am not that big of a Twilight fan anyway…so Anne goes to the ladies room and I run smack into MeeMaw who is wearing a “I want Emmet to make me sparkle” button on her shirt.  I am dying inside.  I have to ask her, “Is that button you’re wearing a Twilight reference?”  Obviously it was a yes.  She was from Forks.  I couldn’t contain myself, but I was a little better at self-control without Diva 1 laughing too.  So I told her I just had to have her picture.  She invited me to come to Forks for a tour and to celebrate Bella’s birthday with her.  By this time I had to politely thank her and move on because I couldn’t hold myself together anymore.  I’m still dying.  You are too old to want a fictional teenage vampire to make you sparkle.  Let’s be honest, she was probably 115. 

After this run-in, we knew we had to get out of south Washington.  So, we go driving down the 101 (while I play Phantom Planet’s “California”) since we’re kind of headed that way.  The 101 in Washington and northern Oregon is a let-down.  Anne had to cross a huge bridge (she hates bridges) and I swear she nearly passed out trying to look down and drive across.  In addition to this, the entire bridge-ride in the car, she tells me about how if we drove off we would probably die on impact.  I rolled down my window, because I left my window underwater breaker at home.  At least we weren’t running from the law today. 

Then we go to Astoria, Oregon where I wanted to go originally, on the coast to find a nice waterfront restaurant in which to have lunch.  Obviously, having a nice idea like this was just setting us up to fail.  So we go in, rustic walls, a “seat yourself” place with two rooms.  I head to the back so that we can try and get a seat by the water.  I’m just going to have to let Anne tell you about this place, but let me just say, I rank their bathrooms a 2/10 (yes, just like that gas station a few posts ago) and McDonald’s has better chicken fingers than this place.

After this, we get back on the road.  Anne is feeling a little sassy and pulls off the road once to let me out.  I didn’t get out of the car, but I told her she could.  She then tells me that she is going to “sell me on eBay.”  OK, maybe I’ll be listed next to the scraps of clothing someone is trying to sell of hers; in between that and Michael Jackson’s white glove.  Bid high, y’all.

She then tries to stop and show me every “Tsunami Evacuation Route” sign.  This is her latest of natural disaster threats/scares that she is trying to instill in me to come back to Nashville for college.  Apparently, there is going to be an earthquake, volcano eruption, and tsunami all at once.  Unfortunately for me, she says, I’m going to have to rent a car in order to escape.  Pity.  I’ll take pictures when this grand event occurs.

Beside that, we are now in the hotel in Portland, Oregon.  I am ready for a full night’s sleep.  I have my earplugs and my complimentary sleeping mask so that I have to neither hear nor see Diva 1 in the night.  Just the way I like it! 

PS.  Anne and I got into a debate about care packages today.  She said she won’t send them.  I object.  If I have a mailing address, it’s so someone (i.e. my MOTHER) can send me lots and lots of mail! Someone please talk some sense into her!

Anne:  I think I need to be on something…you know, not something too strong, but just something to take the edge off. Nine days now we’ve been on the road. We are in Oregon tonight, California tomorrow night, and then on to Santa Clara or San Jose or wherever our final destination is. We drove most of the day not knowing whether we were in Washington or Oregon. As usual, the ex-navigator can’t read the map still and our phones had no service much of the way. Tomorrow I know we go to California, and that’s our last state. We spend four nights there. But earlier today…

I had to drag Molly out of the Fairmont in Seattle. Literally, drag. She wouldn’t get up after 12 hours of REM sleep. She never even moved a muscle when the car detailing place in Franklin called at 5 a.m. our time to see if I wanted my car IN FRANKLIN detailed. NO was my answer. So…I’ve been up since 5 waiting for someone to complete her sleep cycle. Obviously, it was not completed since she has been cranky and sassy all day. Little Diva rejected her Japanese breakfast that room service was all set to deliver, so I gave her some leftover pizza from last night –in bed. Gosh, and all she did was whine. How ungrateful can one Diva be???? She was in a bad mood the rest of the day!  She just hates this picture!

We did get out of Seattle and onto the highway with no incidents, although we did have to go around the block by the Fairmont once or twice since our navigational system (Molly) still wasn’t awake. Once we made it onto the highway, we were fine. We did stop at another Shell station on our way to Oregon. I got gas, went in to find the ladies room. When I came out, Molly was more excited than I’d seen her since we saw the UFO Tracker in whatever town that was. She had not only talked to a strange woman, but this woman posed so Molly could take her picture! I’m sure she’ll tell you more about it, but let me just say: these are not our kind of people.

So, we find the coastal highway and enjoy the scenery for a few hours. But we were getting hungry, so we stopped in this coastal town, Astoria. Doesn’t the name just sound glamorous? Well, the restaurant where we chose to have lunch had not seen the health department in say, 40 years. We get to the back so we could enjoy a nice view of the water, but to see the water, we had to look past a wooden moose, a railroad lantern and a fake pine tree, all on the shelf beside our table and blocking our view of the ocean. I even reigned in my desire to dust all three. There is one waitress for three tables. Molly and I were nice and polite and showing  our aforementioned impeccable manners and breeding. The waitress forgot to bring us menus, and then she brought the wrong soup, then the wrong entrees. But we smiled through it all because the people from Missouri next to us were so awful. They kept telling the waitress they were hillbillies. She said “that’s okay, I’m a hillbilly, too. I thought you were from around these parts.” Well, I looked over at them, and they were not pretty people. Not only that, but the woman at the table stood up and didn’t have any shoes on. This is no lie. She had on socks, but no shoes. I don’t know if she wore shoes in or had taken them off at the table. I don’t know about you, but we don’t take our shoes off in restaurants. So..we hurried out of there as fast as we could. We will NEVER go back. This is the last time Diva Number Two makes our dining suggestions. Let’ see: she has been fired as navigator, tour director and restaurant guide.

Molly thinks I don’t want her to go to school in California. Nothing could be further from the truth. I just wanted to point out to her that we were on a tsumani evacuation route in case she ever needed to know. After all, I lived on the Gulf Coast and knew where the hurricane evacuation routes were. She thinks I want her to come home. HA. I did happen to mention that the Fairmont did have a section in its guest book about what to do in case of an earthquake. You know, she needs to be aware of these natural disasters. I am also sad to report that when we unpacked tonight, her bear safety and spray information booklet had been placed in the same bag as my wet bathing suit. I am hoping when it dries, she will still be able to read it.

Tonight, Michael has booked us into a nicer hotel than he has booked us in so far. We are happily in our beds and about to go to sleep. We have a long drive tomorrow, maybe through the Redwood Forest, but who would know?

P.S. Diva Number 2 is now lying in bed with her lavender scented ear plugs and her eye mask on like the true diva that she is.  She never so much as offered me a squirt of lavender from the ONE kit that came with our room.

More tomorrow, we are having computer issues tonight!  Leave us comments!

xoxo,

Anne & Molly

Take a Walk in our Shoes!

Molly: Alright.  I am exhausted.  I tried to take a nap this afternoon but there was guilt radiating from the other half of the room.  Guilty about the shoes I purchased, the money I spent at H&M, and the fact that I was literally laying horizontally across the bed so Diva 1 could not rest her weary head anywhere.  I am also suffering from multiple pulled muscles from hauling ALL of our bags upstairs while Diva 1 rested her feet up on the couch. I am getting a cold sore from all the stress that Mother has put me under.  Oh the things I do for her. 

We have had an interesting day to say the least.  We got up way too early and lay in bed being grumpy for a few minutes before we made our way down to the Nordstrom Rack.  It didn’t really live up to my expectations.  I know mother has told you that I found “irreplaceable things” there so I am going to explain my purchases to you so that you will feel a little more secure knowing that I am a good shopper.

1. I found Champion leggings (normally $46-50) for $25.  This is a bargain considering I need good workout pants.

2. I found a Missoni skirt that had just come in off the Nordstrom racks.  Missoni.  If that isn’t quality, I don’t know what is.

3. I found a READ: $15 dress that I can wear for rush.  Diva 1 even liked it (a rare occurrence when we shop together.) 

Anyway, so then we go to the real Nordstrom.  We went into Chanel and I looked at the bag that I have been looking at for a good 4 years.  In case anyone wants to buy it for me it’s the large (not medium, not jumbo) reinvented 2.55 bag (read: NOT the 2.55—it’s the one with the CC clasp that was redesigned by Karl Lagerfield in the 80’s.)  And I would prefer it in calfskin, not lambskin because that is the more durable option.  Oh, and in black, not caviar with the gold chain, not silver.  Not in a diva way.  So Mom and I drooled in the store for a while before heading over to shoes.  I found so many cute shoes!  (But don’t worry Dad, I really used my self control and I didn’t even get 1/8 of the shoes I tried on today!  You must be beaming with pride.)

This is where Mom made her biggest mistake yet; she left me alone.  In the shoe department.  I told her it was a bad plan, but she needed to run upstairs and find a new outfit.  So, this kind of sexy, adorable and VERY friendly man came over to help me.  I just explained what I needed and all of a sudden he was whirling and twirling shoe after shoe in front of me parading them back and forth.  This was the beginning to a very good relationship…it’s like he knew exactly what I wanted and then had all of these other suggestions…I loved him. So, I probably tried on I mean, let’s not be specific, but several pairs of shoes that I had vetoed before Anne even made it back downstairs.  Then she gets there and tries on a couple pairs of boots, can’t make up her mind and then buys a pair of wedges, all the while making me feel guilty for selecting so many shoes.  Clearly, NOT my fault.  I was left unattended.  She did try and get me to get the all-sparkly Toms…but I said no.  Even I have some limits.

 

Then we went to lunch at PF Changs.  OMG.  I cannot even tell you the people we have run into.  There are some incredibly well dressed people living here, and then there are some people whose clothing should be burned and buried.  It’s bad.  We saw some woman in red tights, chacos, (THAT’S RIGHT, tights and sandals), short teal parachute pants/gauchos and a terrible printed wool sweater.  AND a hat.  I personally said a silent prayer for her this time.   We also saw at least 4 people talking to themselves, which we can’t really judge because Mom does it too.

After this, we finally went to H&M.  Diva 1 is so overdramatic and she thinks that this experience has scarred her for life.  I love H&M.  It’s a hit or miss, but that’s the fun in it.  She huffed and puffed and groaned and moaned and went outside and came back in several times.  Such a diva.  I found several cute things that I got with my own money since Anne would have laughed me out of Seattle if I had asked her to pay for them!

Now we are back at the hotel and we are going to go to dinner soon.  Who knew we could make sitting in Nordstrom all day entertaining?

Now Diva 1 is trying to pick out her breakfast-in-bed for tomorrow.  She is being such a diva about the menu.  I can’t even discuss it with you.  Hopefully we will all be acting like “number ones” tomorrow!  Now, I know that I have talked about how much the Fairmont feels like home, but I will tell you how it doesn't feel like home.  Yesterday, we are walking back to our room and this bell hop is delivering a huge chocolate tray to some room.  I casually mention that we are in room 424 and jokingly say thanks!  20 minutes later, he shows up with chocolate covered strawberries for us.  I love this place, but it is not like home because please picture in your mind Anne's face if I asked her to bring me some chocolate covered strawberries to my room!  We are sad to leave, to say the least.    

Sidebar: I would just like to say, I do not own any shoes that could possibly be classified as “ho-like.”  Mom just does not understand the current trends of studs and exposed zippers.  This is almost as bad as when I used to come downstairs ready to go out and she would ask me, “How much are you charging?” which is apparently her nice way of telling me to change.  I would always retort “More than you can afford”  before heading upstairs…to change.  Such a sass.   No breakfast-in-bed for her.

Oh, I forgot to add, in other news Diva 1 has gone BA Biker Babe in her new leather jacket.  Watch out, Oregon!

Anne: Tonight, the divas are in a coma-like state. We were at the Nordstrom Rack store at exactly 9:30 when they opened the doors. I’ll be honest with you, it was a disappointment. It wasn’t as big or as fun as Filene’s Basement in Boston, which is what I expected this to be. It was picked-over, but you-know-who managed to find three things she couldn’t live without. (Don’t read that part, honey).

Next we walked up to the REAL, mother-ship store, Nordstrom’s. It was what we had been driving these thousands of miles for. It was not crowded on a Monday morning, so we practically had the entire store to ourselves. First we went into the Chanel section and each picked out the purse we’d like for this season (don’t worry, honey, we didn’t buy anything, just put something on our Christmas lists). Then we picked up and fondled every purse in the rest of the store. We picked it up, talked about it, opened it up and then put it back. That was lots of fun. Then we moved to shoes. Here is where I went wrong: I told Molly to stay in the shoe department while I ran upstairs to look for a dress and a sweater. Somewhere on our journey across America, I have managed to lose a dress and a sweater. Keep in mind it could be in the Grey Goose/Ghost and I just can’t find it under all of that junk, but I was trying to replace what I believe has probably stolen. Some crazed fan might have cut up chunks of my clothing to sell on e-Bay, right alongside some of Michael Jackson’s personal belongings, but anyway, I was looking for something for me. I am going to check out e-Bay tonight to see if I recognize anything formerly of mine.

Woe is me when I came back down the escalator and saw the dozens of shoe boxes surrounding the little Diva. The little man helping her was sweating like a pig from all the running he had had to do! (Don’t read this part, either, honey). He was lathered up like a racehorse. But he had a glint in his eye like he was retiring tomorrow after helping us today! She patiently took out every pair of shoes and explained to me how many times she could wear them and exactly what outfit(s) they would go with. By her calculations, it was going to cost $.02 per shoe each time she wore them. I didn’t buy it, but I did buy her the shoes. (If she had been eaten by a bear, I wouldn’t have had to buy her any new shoes). And some of the ones she bought are, well, how do it put this delicately, “ho” shoes. You-know-who says I am just jealous becaue I can’t wear “ho” shoes anymore, but she is wrong. With my impeccable breeding and manners, I NEVER would have worn “ho” shoes at any stage of my life. Nevertheless, she will be well-shod for the rest of her life.

I, on the other hand, bought only one pair, and an inexpensive one at that. It’s hard to buy much for yourself when you have just dropped off a big ol’ check to the Washington po-po! Maybe by the time I get to the San Francisco parts, my guilt feelings will be gone and I can shop like you-know-who.

Then we had lunch because we were worn out. By that time, Molly was reinvigorated enough to make a two-hour foray into H&M. Honestly, have you all ever been in one of those stores?  I had to go outside to get a breath of fresh air, and I was just thinking that if I ever asked to go into one of those stores, please someone rush me to the hospital because I obviously have a brain tumor. I try and take her to a nice store, and we buy nice things, and then we go to this place which is only one step above Goodwill (where she also shops from time to time).

But while I was outside waiting for her to throw her money to the wind at H&M, I had the chance to observe people walking down the street in front of me. Oh, if only I had had my camera today. Y’all would be in the floor laughing. I just can’t figure out why some of these healthy-looking people ride their bikes around down, and then park and pull out a pack of cigarettes and light up. They were blowing smoke in my personal space and I was becoming a bit unglued. However, if it was a choice of sitting in a cloud of smoke or going back into H&M, I chose to breathe noxious fumes.

Anyway, we are back in our hotel room thinking about where to go for supper. We have to leave here tomorrow, and we are so very sad. This is our second time to stay here, and we love it so. When they bring the car around tomorrow, I’m going to ask those nice men if they would mind rearranging the Grey Goose for me to get all HER purchases in. It will be so embarrassing if they have to order a U-Haul trailer for us.

Tomorrow, we don’t exactly know where we are going. We were going to Forks to see where the Twilight movies were filmed, but we realize it’s pointless to go there unless we get on one of the sanctioned tours, and you know, we are just over tours at this point in our travels unless we are guaranteed a separate bus, so we may just wander down the Oregon coast.

Tomorrow we are having breakfast in bed since this will be our last opportunity to be pampered for a while. Since Diva Number Two was so desperate for sushi in Big Sky, I am ordering her the Japanese breakfast, but it’s a secret so don’t tell her. Here’s what she’s having: traditional selection of grilled salmon, steamed and pickled vegetables, coddled egg, Miso soup, rice and Japanese tea. Hope she likes it!

Your poor, but well-shod, Divas will update you tomorrow.

Leave us comments!

xoxo,

Anne & Molly