Beautifying America, One Tourist at a Time

Molly: Well, we are now in Spokane, Washington.  (SPO-CAN) not (SPO-CANE) the divas have been corrected several times.

We started out from Big Sky this morning.  The photo at the top is the picture of the sunset last night over the mountain.  Last night we had two more bear sightings of a mama bear and two cubs.  Very cute from a distance.  Mom told them they could have me for dessert. 

So last night, we fulfilled my fortune from last week saying that I needed to watch a movie to relax this weekend.  We watched “Remember Me.”  It was okay, worse than I expected, plus I had to shield Anne’s eyes during all the inappropriate parts.  I need to protect her innocence.  However, I was not relaxed.

So this morning, Mom went to meet with the manager (the brother of a college friend) and I stayed in bed.  I woke up at 9 feeling fully rested (it probably has something to do with the fact that I finally completed all of my REM cycles) and see a text from 8:10 am.  It’s from Anne.  “Please do the laundry.”  I always knew there was a reason I keep my phone on silent while I sleep.

So we leave around 9:30 and start our trek deep into Montana, over to Idaho, and into Washington State.  We are heading towards Seattle, and the Nordstrom Flagship Store.  Oh the things that keep us going.  So we start out on the road and the ever-talkative Anne is telling me all about the Lewis and Clark expeditions.  It helps to have an eye witness account.  She also sees that I am not paying attention anymore so she yells “LOOK! A CAMEL!”  Of course I looked.  She lied.  

Now, these Divas have been a week without being pampered.  We even had to stop at K-mart to buy Diva 1 some rollers.  So, today, we (ie. Diva 1) were being a little critical of our fellow Americans on the road while driving. Anne has decided that if she doesn’t see some big hair soon I’m probably going to have to get up early and fix mine.  Next thing we know she will have bought me a “Bump It”.  Then, we get on the road leaving Missoula (which we loved) and I look over to this really outdoors-y woman sitting next to us in a bright red pickup truck.  Not in a mean way, (just a truthful way) I said “wow, she really needs to get her roots done.”  Anne looks over, agrees and adds, “she could REALLY use a face lift.”  After this, Anne did private plastic surgery consultations for everyone we passed via our car.  There probably weren’t too many places to get some work done in the prairie. 

This really went on all day.  The fashion police made several arrests, (this photo is from Jackson Hole and let’s keep in mind that Diva 1 made me do it because I am way too nice of a person to exploit someone else like this).  We were worried his pants were going to fall down before dinner.  We were very busy.  You know it’s bad when Anne doesn’t care about what music is playing because she’s too busy evaluating and giving a mental makeover to the person driving next to us.  She wanted me to get some sticky notes out of the backseat so she could write down her suggestions and we could toss it into their car.  Someone please adopt me.

So then we went to Missoula, Montana, which we loved.  It was cute and beautiful with the mountains we found a diner called “Ruby’s.”  It was an experience and the food was okay, but let me just tell you those bathrooms rank a 2/10 which is about the same as a port-a-potty at Steeplechase if you get there BEFORE 9 am.  The divas also double as the bathroom police around these parts.  We have not found a roadside bathroom that we have been satisfied with yet.  This is an issue, America.

In other news, Anne reminded me about 5 times how the “land was formed by frequent and deadly earthquakes that could happen at any moment.”  She also told me that “every mountain top is probably a volcano” and she thought “they could erupt at any time.”  I hope a bear eats her in her sleep.  I’ve armed myself with my own peanut butter this time.

She then told me that since California has a bear on the state flag, she thinks that a bear is “going to come grab me” on the walk to the library.  She followed with this positive statement: “At least your obituary will be entertaining.”  So uplifting.

So now we are in Spokane and our travel consultant/secretary Mike has booked us into a hotel that I wont lie, exceeded our incredibly low expectations.  So we ordered Chinese takeout again.  My fortune is “Courage comes through suffering.”  Obviously someone up there understands the situation I am facing with my mother. 

Anne: How could a seven-hour drive turn into so much fun? But first, let’s start at the beginning. While you-know-who was completing her REM cycle (I don’t even know what that is, but she apparently needs it EVERY day), I was enjoying a nice cup of coffee when I saw a table with Sen. Max Baucus (D-MT) and three ambassadors from the Pacific Rim. (I think. It was early and I hadn’t had my coffee yet). They were having a nice breakfast meeting. Only my impeccable Southern breeding and manners are keeping me from turning tonight’s blog into a political statement. I did do a little ranting to Molly in the car, but she turned a deaf ear. She hid the bear spray from me, too. She is a very mean person.

Anyway, when I saw the resort manager, he asked about our trip, and I was telling him all about it and how we got lost and went to Kansas. What was the first thing he said? “You should have gotten a Garmin!” Such a man thing to say. I had to explain to him that shoes came first and we had no problem stopping and asking for directions…No Garmin needed!

We had a very nice time, and we hated to leave Big Sky country, but we had lots of driving to do today. We needed to make it to Spokane in time to watch the Alabama-Penn State game, which was my first priority. But the drive went on and on and on. Finally, there was nothing to do but talk about the passengers we passed. I made a small, but accurate observation, that it had been a long time since we’d seen anyone pretty. (Except for Molly. She made me write that.) Or any big hair. Or any makeup, except on us, of course. There were two nice looking women in Jackson Hole, but that was days ago. I  also mentioned that it had been a long time since we had seen any big hair, you know, Texas-style hair. Well, about 10 minutes later, we passed what reminded me of a Volkswagen van, but was probably an older Toyota van. Mawmaw and Pawpaw were inside, but on the shelf in the back was a wig stand completed with a big-haired wig. I didn’t mention this to Molly because we were having “quiet time” and if I interrupted it, she would just run that motor mouth through two more states. So I just observed it by myself. I did mention that if we had some sticky notes and some rocks, we could toss them into the open truck windows as we went by and offer some suggestions to our fellow travelers…just doing what we can to beautify America. But I would never be so mean. Molly would, but not me.

We got off the interstate and toured Missoula for a little while. That is where my father was stationed toward the end of WWII. He loved it and couldn’t decide whether to live there or Guntersville, Alabama. Hhmmm. They reminded me of each other except one is cold for six months out of the year and one is cold for six weeks.

So, while we were there, we enjoyed a delicious lunch at Ruby’s café. Molly was so enamored of this hole-in-the -wall that she asked our waitress if they sold t-shirts. She replied that they didn’t but she sure wished they did so she wouldn’t have to wear her nice clothes to work. We looked at her and she was wearing black sweatpants and a Montana Grizzly tee shirt. Hhmmm. Once again, my impeccable manners kept me from falling out of my chair! We got back on the road so we could make the game in time. Finally, we got to Spokane on our way to the mother-ship Nordstrom’s and find our hotel that Michael has booked for us. The parking lot was packed and when we got here, we found we were in the middle of a Church of God convention at our hotel. Not much hootin’ and hollerin’ from the bar, just a yapping circus dog in the room next door. If I were Hugh, I wouldn’t hesitate to make some comments, but I will refrain. But you get the picture.

That’s it for tonight…we are tired. Roll Tide!

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xoxo,

Anne & Molly