Miss Scarlett and Grizzly Adams

Disclaimer:  Today’s blog will probably be pretty lengthy seeing as we got ourselves into plenty of trouble today.  So sit back, grab a drink, and relax as you read.

Molly:  Read my perfectly glossed lips: we are about to get five inches of snow here in Montana.  How does this happen to two always prepared divas?  Well, we are not prepared for snow.  I have bathing suits, sundresses, light sweaters, tank tops, and lots and lots of cute sandals.  I didn’t even bring my Uggs.   But I think we will make do. 

This morning we got up and left beautiful Jackson Hole.  I was sad to leave, but we needed to get on to Montana because we had a late breakfast and I had some trouble getting out of bed this morning!  Thankfully Mom left me alone so I could finally get a complete REM cycle in.  It was pouring rain and colder than I have been lately (until now, obviously.)  So we put on our raincoats, hopped into the car, and headed out.  As we leave, we decide to read the summary of our wildlife tour yesterday.  The naturalist had written all of the moose, deer, etc. that we had seen—very helpful.  Then we read (“2 Chipmunks.”) Ok, obviously someone thought we were city girls and had never seen a chipmunk before now.  We died laughing.

We finally got on US 191 heading north to Montana.  So, we go through Teton National Park and we’re about to get into Yellowstone when we notice that there is a bright flashing light telling us that we have low tire pressure in one tire.  Then a few minutes later, we have low pressure in two tires.  Now, I took a “Tool Time” class freshman year, but let’s be honest, this diva was not prepared to sit on the side of a forest and change a tire in the freezing rain while a bear ate my mother.  Especially since I found out that pepper spray doesn’t actually work on baers.

So, Anne looks at me and I look at her and we decide this just will not work, so we go looking for the only service station in the national forest/part/wherever we were at this point.  We get to the service station to see in big white letters “SELF SERVICE.”  Obviously that was not going to work for us.  So Diva Number One sent me running inside in the rain to talk to who will we now refer to as “Grizzly Adams.”  What a sass.  I pulled out my Southern drawl and politely asked if he knew how to fix our tires.  Maybe he didn’t understand me correctly, because he pointed me to the self-service area and handed me a tire-pressure checker.  No, no, no.  So, I told him (not in a stupid way, just in a diva way) that I couldn’t possibly know how to do that by myself in the rain and luckily he came out there and checked everything out for us.

Now, I know you may be thinking I sound a little dumb blonde here, but to make you feel better, he asked Mom what the tire pressure was supposed to be and she told him 240.  It was really only 35.  We are great.  So, it checked out normally and we were back on the road.  Grizzly Adams waved goodbye.

Then we went to see Old Faithful (as seen above and to the left).  OK, kind of pretty but I won’t lie, it was anti-climactic.  We sat in the 40 degree rain for 45 minutes to see some water that only lasted for 45 seconds.  And Anne likes her personal space and apparently I was getting all up in it.  And we sat next to some relatives of the Duggars who were obviously judging my shorts.  Mom said they probably said a silent prayer for me (and the way I was dressed)

On the road, we had many funny conversations.  I will give you a couple snippets:

1. Anne has been carrying around peanut butter she stole from the Holiday Inn in Omaha and keeps threatening to use it to attract bears to eat me.  Today she said “It’s going to be hard to run when you’re smeared in peanut butter and the car door is locked.”  Again, where is the DCS here?

2. We were driving the scenic route through Yellowstone and Anne says “Would you like to go see the Geyser Falls?” (which was right ahead of us.)  I said “sure!” and we drove right past.  I reiterated, “I said SURE!” and Anne replied “Oh, I thought you said no.  I really don’t want to go see it.”  Obviously my senior citizen has selective hearing loss.

Anyway, after all of this I am definitely going to need to be in long-term therapy.  Although, Dad, if you want to forward me the therapy money we can just use it at the Nordstrom in Seattle, that might make up for the long-term mental and emotional turmoil that I am being subjected to.

Also, we have a couple other things to clear up.  Many of you are asking why Diva Number One has been missing from the photos.  Well, her latest stories are 1. That she has ancient Native American beliefs that her spirit will show up in the photo and 2. That she has people from her past who might be looking for her.  I think she’s just worried that if her photo is up too many unruly people will start asking for her autograph.

Also, Dad commented about being our business advisor.  We are now accepting applications for business advisor, so Dad, you can email us your resume.   These Divas are pretty selective.  J

Here is Diva Number One!

Anne: Whew! Hope y’all are relaxing for a long blog read. So much happened today that I can barely remember everything. We are at Big Sky Resort. It is awesome! I cannot imagine how beautiful it is in the snow…but it won’t take me long to find out. We are expecting five inches tonight! But first let me start from the beginning of the day...

We are very lucky that Diva Number 1 is still here. While you know who was still getting her much talked about REM sleep, I went to the pool. It was in the 30s outside, but the pool was heated. No problem, I thought. I was so cold, I couldn’t get out. So, I was stuck in the pool with my head mostly underwater for an hour. You know who would NEVER have come looking for me. Finally, I jumped out and ran to the car and raced to the condo. But I forgot the Grey Ghost/Goose has cloth seats, so all the way to Montana I sat on a wet car seat. But that is the least of our troubles…

We HATED leaving Jackson Hole. Molly did want to stop for a few more pictures of herself but luckily it was pouring rain and she didn’t want to get her hair wet. So we drove along, hoping to see more wild animals on this very long ride through the national parks. As we were driving I looked down and a flashing light said RR tire low. Add air. Well, there we were on the range with no gas station in sight and no cell phone service. And, of course, we never did pick up that Garmin because we wanted to spend that money on shoes at Nordstrom, as we might have mentioned once or twice before. Anyway, I looked down again, and the light now said RR tire low and LR tire low.  I looked at Molly and tell her we will be riding on the rims because I am NOT unpacking this car to find a spare tire.

Finally, we made it to the ranger station and the ranger directed us to a gas station 15 minutes away. We pulled into this most awful place with the bathrooms on the outside. Really, how long has it been since you’ve seen that? Got that mental picture yet? Molly fluffs her hair, adjusts her shorts, looks at me and tells me in the most exaggerated Southern accent that she will handle this. She jumps out of the car and goes into this tiny, tiny station. I wait and wait in the car while the Diva has gone in to work her magic on the proprietor, Grizzly Adams. He didn’t fall for it. She goes into this long explanation about why we were there at his station and finally he looks at her and says, “Just tell me what the problem is.” She was deflated, just as much as the tires were. He then hands her the tire pressure tool. She looked at him and handed it back and said she didn’t have a clue what that was for. Finally, he came out in the rain and checked all four tires. I gave him a $20 to make up for Molly, and he suddenly got a lot nicer. He said we would be fine…little did he know.

So, on we drive and drive through the Tetons and into Yellowstone, which Molly referred to as a rain forest because we were in a forest and it was raining. We decided we would stop at Old Faithful since she believed we were going to pass it anyway. Keep in mind she wasn’t sure since her map-reading skills have not improved since the first second we got into the car on day one and we still don’t have cell service to get our GPS working. We arrive at Old Faithful and park. I thought at the time that maybe we should get different clothes out of the trunk and find a place to change. It’s 45 and raining. But we are in shorts and flip-flops and think we can tough it out because surely this won’t take long. We march to our places on the front row, of course, and sit in the rain wondering why we are there when suddenly these people who have to be kin to the Duggars sit down next to Molly. I am hollering by this time and begging Molly to take their picture. She won’t do it, the wimp. Finally, we see Old Faithful, take a few pictures of you know who in front of it, and start walking to the car. All of a sudden, we pass a HEARSE. Yes, a HEARSE in the parking lot with a Ghostbusters sticker on it.  I’m looking in the windows thinking maybe someone wanted to see Old Faithful once more before heading to his final resting place. I can barely walk I’m laughing so hard. But alas, someone had just converted the hearse to a station wagon and it was only loaded with camping gear, not a body. This was almost as disappointing as the postage stamp incident, previously mentioned in day one.

We only got lost once trying to leave Old Faithful. We circled the parking lot, passed the hearse once more, and finally found the right road. Molly looks at me and says, “Well, that was a disappointment. For all of that, I could just have put some water in my mouth and spit it out and we wouldn’t have had to sit and wait in the cold and the rain.” I almost ran off the road picturing that. The Clampetts went to Old Faithful. And the Duggars.

So here we are in Montana at this most beautiful resort run by the brother of a friend of mine from college. Morris Middleton is my friend and his brother is Taylor. They grew up in Georgiana.  Y’all should come visit here. Everyone in the restaurant was either from Alabama or was an Alabama fan. It’s great. The desk clerk went to Ole Miss. We are at home here with our people. Anyway, these Alabama people are flying in ribs from Dreamland for the game Saturday night. Aaaahhh. This is great.

Well, we have a busy day tomorrow…the zip line and ropes course. I believe we might cancel the whitewater rafting trip because we are unprepared in the clothing department. It’s a bit chilly here. We have to choose between buying heavy-duty clothes here or visiting the shoe department at Nordstrom’s. Did I mention that before? Until tomorrow…

We’ll update tomorrow from Antarctica.  Leave us comments!

Xoxo,

Anne & Molly

Ps. I know I wasn’t supposed to read Anne’s post and then refute things, but I need to clear this up.  Anne didn’t give Grizzly Adam’s a $20 because of me, it was the only change she had.  Sass.  He loved me.