Divas on the Run

Molly: The divas are on the run….from the law.  It’s a long story.  I’ll start with the beginning.

This morning, I made us the “Guests of the Day” at our hotel. We got a sign and everything.  We also saw many an interesting character with us at the terrible breakfast bar.  They were obviously not Guest of the Day material. The photo at the top says "WELCOME GUESTS OF THE DAY ANNE & MOLLY SAINT"  Yes.

So then we get on the road, happy to leave what we thought was Spokane, until we got into the real Spokane which we thought was adorable.  So why were we in a sketchy (READ: PET FRIENDLY, some dog licked mom and she just about had a conniption) hotel on the outskirts? I don’t know, you should ask our travel agent, Mike.  That hotel was NOT diva-ready.

So, then we pass some mountains, all of which Mom tells me are probably volcanoes waiting to erupt.  She is such a sass.  I have paid her back for her cruelty by brushing my teeth in front of her. (She throws up when she sees people brushing their teeth; so weird.)

Anyway, so I plug in my headphones to my computer to watch Grey’s Anatomy in order to mentally prepare myself for arriving in Seattle.  This was a great idea, why didn’t I think of watching a movie before?  This gave Anne some much needed quiet time where I guess she had a little too much fun because the next thing I know I see some flashing lights behind us, and we are pulling off the side of the interstate.

Oh yes, this is the actual photo.  If you look in the right mirror it is the blue & red flashing lights of the Washington State Police.

I know you’re giggling.  I’m giggling.  Anne is bitter.  She was going 14 over, and she asked the non-sense-of-humor-posessing officer if he was REALLY going to give her a ticket.  He said yes.  She then proceeded to tell him: “I see you’re married officer.”  “Yes, ma’m.”  “If you give us a ticket, we are going to have less shoe money to use at Nordstrom.  My shoe budget is depleting.”  He did not seem to care.  What an unsympathetic person.  This kind of reminds me of my failed attempt to impress Grizzly Adams.  But Mom was clearly victimized here.  So, we sit there and sit there and wait for him to ring up our registration while I try and take a picture of him in the rearview mirror.  When he comes to the car with our ticket, I asked if I could take his picture.  He barked no.  Such a sass, obviously he didn’t want to be famous.  Mom then went on to discuss the regional geography with him hoping he would give us our $144 back.  Fail.  So, we drove on, going below the speed limit for the rest of our trek to Seattle.  I called Dad to tell him about it and Sarah Riley answered.  She told me she “just couldn’t handle talking to us about this” and quickly passed the phone to Dad.  Oh the therapy that I will be in after this trip…

The police officer told Mom that she could contest the ticket in court but I honestly don’t think that Mom will ever make her way back to 50 miles outside of Seattle again…so she’s going to write a check.  Story of her life.  Diva Number 2 has never gotten a ticket.  What an angel.  Neither has Dad.  Neither has Sarah Riley (who has only had her license for 6 weeks).  Who is the black sheep in the family?  You guessed it, Diva 1. 

When we finally got to Seattle, we were exhausted and had not stopped talking about our run-in with the law.  Mom continues to tell everyone she sees about being victimized by the Washington police force.  The driver to the Space Needle, the concierge, the check-in staff, the waiter, I mean like, you would have thought that we had been involved in a low-speed chase caught on video via helicopter and aired on CNN for the amount of people that have heard about our time with the sheriff.  But, we checked into the Fairmont (THIS IS MY HOME.) and we are feeling VERY diva-like and much more comfortable.  Our travel director Mike is getting a thumbs up for this one. Then we go to the Space Needle and that was fun because a.) the views were gorgeous and b.) we saw some of the most desperate fashion crises that we have seen in two states.  Here are some photos:  If you look at any of these photos and say to yourself, "wait, what's so wrong with that?" or "wait, that's in my closet" you have some issues.  If you are thinking "that might be a relative of mine..." we are sorry for posting their photo!

OK, I just need to clarify that my wonderful mother has made me sound very egotistical.  If there were not photos of me, the Indian-spirtiualist/on-the-run-from-her-past woman would not be in any of them either and then all you would get would be photos of open road.  Besides, she’s always telling me to get in a picture with something.  I’m just letting you know.  I am not THAT vain.

OH OH OH and I forgot to mention, from our second post how we joked about how there was no Louis Vuitton?  Guess what is literally 10 feet away from our hotel?!

So to wrap up, here’s some shopping tips for you from the divas since we are all focused on our Nordstrom day tomorrow!

1. Get your purse down to shopping weight= less than 5 pounds.

2. Wear something comfortable but nice, and easy to slip on and off.

3. Shop for shoes in the afternoon when your feet are the largest they will be all day.

4. Look nice and you will be treated nice.

5. Don’t buy things just because they are on sale.  This is a big mistake.  If you wouldn’t have paid full price for it, then it’s not worth the bargain (usually!).

6. Don’t judge an item on the hanger.  Try it on!

7. Thank Dad frequently and profusely!

8. Don’t ever shop with a boy.  Ever.  They are so sassy, and impatient.

THE END!

Anne: Of all the days we’ve been on the road…I just can’t even begin to tell you about our adventures today. And this was supposed to be a day of nothing but driving…First, I will say that the Church of God convention at our Holiday Inn Express morphed into a survivalist’s convention by Sunday morning. We didn’t see any of the women this morning, but the men were ready to live the next six or seven years inside a bunker from the looks of them. I bet they came to town to take a bath in the hotel bathroom and then went to Costco to get supplies. I just don’t even have the vocabulary to describe it. Molly never did get any fashion hair tips like I was hoping. And if that wasn’t enough, this was a pet-friendly hotel. Some dog came up unexpectedly and licked my leg. I love animals, but not in my hotel. The little circus dog did calm down during the night. Good thing I didn’t call the front desk to complain—they had a dog sitting on a stool behind the desk. A live one.

So, we get in the car and stop and get gas and the car washed since we are still trying to represent you, our people, well and we want a nice looking Chevrolet amidst all of the RV’s and campers and travel trailers. (But this is another story for another day). And, of course, Molly wouldn’t eat breakfast at the motel with all the survivalists, so she chose to dine at the Shell station instead. Anyway, we got on the road and I told her that today we should look at ourselves and work on our failings and shortcomings instead of being critical of our fellow Americans like we were yesterday. I was kind of feeling guilty last night when I thought maybe we had been too cruel and harsh and judgmental, and after all, I am still the mother and trying to set a good example. So, I say, “Molly, I think we should spend this morning thinking about how we can be better people and what we can do to improve ourselves.” She looked at me and this is honestly what she said, “I don’t know what you mean. I know all about your faults, though.” Honestly, she said that.  I’m going to have to have a talk with Little Diva before she gets to college…

Molly plugged in her laptop and watched a movie while I drove on and on, over hill and over dale. Keep in mind Molly has driven six minutes this entire trip. But I am driving, trying to pass these RV’s and these tin cans that are EVERYWHERE out here. We are going up a mountain, and I am trying to get past all of these vehicles. I noticed a plane overhead flying kind of low, but it was foggy and rainy and we had to get to the Fairmont so we could rest up for our shopping trip tomorrow. All of a sudden, I see a cop car flying behind me and I mean, directly behind me. Of course, I get pulled over by someone with absolutely NO sense of humor. Molly wanted to take his picture, but he cut her short. He did NOT want to be part of the blog. He told us everyone today was getting a ticket, no warnings. Anyway, I am $144 short in the shoe money department now. Combined with the $54 Molly still owes me (see previous blogs) and the money I had to spend when we bailed on the Yellowstone tour, I might be able to purchase one pair of one-size-fits-all bedroom slippers. (Michael, you might want to read this part several times because I know by now you are feeling very sorry for us and you will call and say “just get what you want.”) I’m waiting on that call…

Anyway, we made it to the wonderful Fairmont and checked in, called the hotel car and went to the Space Needle. It was great. We got lots more pictures of you-know-who with the Seattle are in the background. I’m sure she will post one or ten of them any minute.

Oh, and the most fun part of today, which I almost forgot about, was our scenic detour to look at the mountains outside of Seattle before my unfortunate run-in with the law. The sign said “Watch for Rattlesnakes.” Well, she could walk through the trail if she wanted, but this Diva was going to observe nature from the safety of the Grey Goose. So off Molly goes with her ever-present camera. When she got back in the car, we saw several men picking up giant rocks and throwing them at something that we can only assume was a rattlesnake. If the bears didn’t get her, I guess the rattlesnakes won’t, either!

We had a wonderful meal and are back in our room. We are getting our clothes out for tomorrow and getting our purses down to shopping weight. We have to be at the Rack at 9:30. We thought we would go there first so we could save money. Michael, did you read that line?

While Molly posts her pictures, I will be writing a check to the po-po in Washington state. Until tomorrow…

We will see y’all tomorrow!  Leave us comments!

Xoxo,

Anne & Molly

Molly's Sidebar: I was feeling very self conscious because normally, we read our blogs back to each other and that’s how I decide if mine is funny or not—if Mom laughs.  Tonight, there was silence from the sofa.  I just told her how I felt and she replied “It’s funny, but honestly, I’d already read yours while you were in the bath.”  The traitor.  Goodnight!